Royal Rumble ‘25 - Women's Royal Rumble
Iyo Sky is in at #1, kicking things off with Liv Morgan at #2. Michael Cole gets a statistic wrong on commentary before the bell has even rung, which is very on brand. At #3, Roxanne Perez joins the fray.
At #4, it’s Lyra Valkyria!
I actually really like Lyra, but I couldn’t resist this bit.
The freshly minted Women’s Intercontinental Champion comes to the ring, and I make an entry in my gratitude journal because the WWE Universe finally has something to woo about other than Ric fucking Flair. Lyra starts making light work of the three other women in the ring, and goes looking for a suplex on Iyo Sky but Iyo’s arm around her neck breaks the halter strap holding up her top! Somewhere in Manhattan Tim Gunn is breaking out in a cold sweat and he has no idea why. I don’t really have a funny haha bit for this but Liv Morgan jumping up and shoving her across the ring so she could get off camera for a few seconds and get her gear fixed? She’s a real one for that.
Liv, I owe you an apology. I wasn’t really familiar with your game.
Lash Legend is in at #9, and shows that NXT didn’t come play by clearing the ring by swinging Ivy Nile (#7) around like she’s Leo on the Titanic and Ivy is Rose. B-Fab (#6) recovers first and she spars with Legend for a minute before synchronised high kicks send them both to the mat, at which point Chelsea Green (#5) strikes, throwing B-Fab over the top for the first elimination of the match. Snaps for you Chelsea, you’re doing great babe.
The ring isn’t down to eight women for long though, as we get the countdown to entrant #10 and Bianca Belair’s music hits. The crowd gets a refresher in counting to ten as not one, not two, but five of the women in the match run at Belair in the corner, only for her to dodge each of them and stack them up on top of each other, so she can climb to the second rope and deliver ten punches to each.
One, ah ah ah. Two, ah ah ah.
After math class wraps up, Shayna Baszler comes in at #11 and she and Zoey Stark (#8) try to team up on Lyra. Lyra survives their attempt at throwing her out, makes it to the top rope and delivers a dropkick to both of them, only to then be thrown out by Nile, which is elimination number two.
Maxxine Dupris (#14) gets the next elimination on the perennial thorn in her side Nile, only to immediately follow her over the top rope thanks to Stark and her PFC teammate Sonya Deville.
I racked my brain for a while trying to figure out who Maxxine’s new style reminded me of before it hit me. (This is a compliment, Kylie rules)
Naomi enters at #15, and we’re officially at the halfway mark. Pat reminds us that the initial entrants are still in the ring at 30+ minutes and must be tiring, and showing incredible comedic timing Iyo hits a gorgeous Moonsalt but then briefly attempts a cover on Deville. She’s tired, ok? Give her a break. Muscle memory is a thing. Thankfully we don’t have time to dwell on that because it’s TIME FOR MANY THINGS TO HAPPEN AT ONCE. As Sky and Deville are getting back up, Belair and Naomi throw Stark out of the ring, quickly followed by Bayley (#12) eliminating Baszler and Iyo remembering how the match is won and eliminating Deville.
Sorry, Sonya.
NXT’s Jaida Parker is up next at #16, and while she and Legend are getting reacquainted and kikiing with Belair and Naomi, Green inserts herself, causing Legend to accidentally kick Parker in the face. While Lash is reeling from that Green strikes and gets herself another elimination and sends Legend back to the dressing room.
Green quickly gets another reason to celebrate as Piper Niven comes in as entrant #17.
Chelsea Green looked at Piper coming down that walkway the way I look at a double cheeseburger when I’m drunk.
Chelsea and Piper team up, but then Naomi gets Chelsea over the top rope and as she’s trying to fight her way back in, Piper rushes over to help and Naomi dodges her, leading to Piper knocking Chelsea off the apron and eliminating her. Whoopsie!
Piper asking Chelsea for a favour after this happened.
At #19, Jordynne Grace is in the building! She wastes very little time in eliminating Jaida Parker with the sheer power of her ass alone, and then hitting a Death Valley Driver on Piper just to make sure we understand how strong she is.
I mean. There are worse ways to go.
At #21, we get the most welcome surprise of the night so far - Alexa Bliss is back!
Again, I don’t have a funny haha bit for this. I just think she’s neat.
Liv Morgan started this match and is still in it after 10 eliminations, and at #26 she finally gets some help as Raquel Rodriguez comes to the ring. Before long she manages to get Natalya (#18) over the top rope, where Liv is waiting to hit her with a Codebreaker, sending her to the floor and home for the night.
As Raquel tries to help Liv back into the ring after the elimination, Alexa Bliss charges at Liv and tries to knock her off the apron. Raquel catches her and throws her over the top, where Liv hits another Codebreaker and Alexa’s first match back in the WWE is finished as she is eliminated. We count down to #27, and the unmistakable music of Charlotte Flair hits. Every inch of her costume is bedazzled, including her knee brace, which means the only possible answer to the question ‘what did you do with your time away from the ring, Charlotte?’ is ‘binged RuPaul’s Drag Race’.
Put on a shiny sequence gown.
We’re immediately treated to some chops to Jordynne Grace so the crowd can get their obligatory woos in, and before long Charlotte flips herself over the top rope to avoid heavy impact in the corner, where she encounters Michin (#20) on the apron. A trademark Charlotte high kick ends Michin’s evening and after a nice little spot where she gets a double DDT off on Jordynne and Stephanie Vaquer (#24), Charlotte quickly picks up another elimination on Piper.
Entrant #28 is the NXT Women’s Champion Giulia, who has come dressed as a genderbent Scorpion from Mortal Kombat and I am here. For. It. She locks up with her old buddy from Japan, Iyo, before tangling with Jordynne Grace and eventually getting her over the rope and off the apron for her first ever Rumble elimination.
FINISH HER.
We then turn to the next chapter of Paul Leveque And The Mind Boggling Push Of Nia JaxTM as she enters the Rumble at #29. She doesn’t even get into the ring before getting her first elimination, pulling Zelina Vega (#22) off the apron where she had been fighting with Trish Stratus (#25). Jax and Stratus start jawing and Candice LeRae (#23) tries to take advantage of the distraction to get Trish out, but it backfires and ends in Trish throwing Candice out for the 17th elimination of the night.
Thank you, Trish!
After she dispatches Candice, Trish turns back to Nia and the two of them go at it. Nia carries Trish from the center of the ring to the ropes and dumps her on the apron where Candice tries to pull her off, but Trish manages to fight her off. Unfortunately for her, this gives Nia the window she needs and she collides with Trish, sending her off the apron for her second elimination of the night.
As Nia turns her attention to the women in the ring, the countdown begins to our final entrant and coming in at #30 we have Nikki Bella!
I was excited to see Nikki, but I did do this upon realising she was the last entrant and Becky Lynch wasn’t coming.
As Nikki climbs into the ring, it’s time for one of the most important moments in any Rumble: The Let’s All Gang Up On The Biggest, Strongest Person In The Ring SpotTM! Tonight’s Chosen One is Nia.
*Record scratch* Yep, that’s me. I bet you’re wondering how I ended up in this situation…
Nine(!) women put their collective force behind trying to eliminate Nia. Spoilers: it doesn’t work. She sends them tumbling to the mat, at which point Nikki Bella realises she hasn’t gotten her reps in for the day so she decides to do some pushups. Roxanne Perez (who entered at #4 and is showing remarkable staying power) has been wrestling for about an hour at this stage and is probably delirious so she…joins in? Sure. Why not. This leads to the two of them squaring off, with Nikki managing to get Roxanne over the top rope. While she’s on the apron, Stephanie Vacquer and Iyo also tumble over the top and join her, with both Iyo and Stephanie coming within centimeters of elimination. Liv and Raquel try to score some eliminations by forcing the three of them off the apron, but then Bianca and Naomi tip them over the top as well. The five women on the outside manage to also get Bianca and Naomi over the top, which can only mean one thing: it’s time for The Spot Where The Target Of The Last Spot Gets Their RevengeTM (not to be confused with Shit This Thing Is Running Long We Need To MoveTM)! With seven women prone on the apron Nia pounces, and we farewell Iyo, Stephanie, Bianca, Naomi and Raquel, with Roxanne and Liv just hanging on.
And then there were seven six five, as Nia follows up with a quick elimination on Liv, and Roxanne eliminates Giulia after they scrap on the apron with Charlotte for a minute. Roxanne then manages to get Bayley over the top, and as Nia comes to try and eliminate Bayley from the apron, Bayley manages to get a hold of her long enough for Nikki Bella to wind up and run at her, but Nia dodges and Bayley bites it. Nia then throws Nikki over the top too, and we are down to our final three.
As Nia and Charlotte decide that now is a good time for a staring contest, Roxanne strikes at Charlotte’s bad knee and goes on the offensive against her. Roxanne is working the knee in the corner when Nia runs in and breaks things up, and Roxanne responds by trying to jump on her back. Nia carries her to the ropes and starts to push her off the apron when Charlotte recovers and picks up Nia’s legs, throwing her over the top and letting the momentum carry her to the floor while Roxanne manages to hang on!
When some tea you’ve known for a long time becomes public and you have to act surprised.
Charlotte wastes little time in trying to knock Roxanne off the apron as she tries to get back up, and eventually backs up and plants a kick square on her chin, eliminating her. Charlotte Flair is your 2025 Women’s Royal Rumble champion! Welcome back Queen. We’ve missed you.
All hail The Queen.