Royal Rumble ‘25 Recap - WWE Tag Team Title Match, DIY vs Motor City Machine Guns, Best Two out of Three Falls
An actual factual tag title match between two actual factual tag teams, with an actual factual interesting stipulation? In my WWE? Right in front of my salad? What a time to be alive.
A rare shot from inside Nothing Rhymes With Kayfabe HQ.
Your favourite tag team’s favourite tag team have made a big impact since their WWE debut, and the storyline with DIY has been pretty interesting - it’s personal, there’s history and stakes. We start this match off with both teams showing us what clever little coordinated boys they are, executing some synchronised moves that would put the North Korean military to shame before DIY send MCMG hurtling towards each other, forcing them to deploy the most devastating counter in existence: the do-si-do.
Dazzled by their moves, DIY find themselves on the back foot and quickly out on the floor. Chris Sabin dives out of the ring and knocks them both into the Netflix era’s biggest heel: The Career Ender 9000 Super Inflexible Commentary Desk.
Again, I don’t have a bit for this. These new desks are a fucking menace and someone is going to get very hurt before long.
After DIY manage to recover and pull themselves back into the ring, Champa and Sabin are struggling on the mat, each looking for a tag. As they both dive for their corners, Alex Shelley tags in for MCMG but Johnny Gargano pulls his hand away at the last second, leaving Champa the legal man for DIY, but charges at Shelley as though the tag was made. While Shelley is distracted delivering a kick to Gargano, Champa lines up for a running knee, pins Shelley and gets the first fall of the match!
Ah yes, the old ‘down low, too slow’.
It’s time for the nation’s favourite game: TOOTH! GUM! OR! SPIT!
We get some good back and forth after this, and then Shelley manages to take out both members of DIY, leading to Champa rolling out of the ring and then crawling underneath it, so he can pop up near MCMG’s corner undetected and try to pull Chris Sabin off the apron.
After Champa gets in the way long enough to cause an MCMG tag to be missed by the ref, they eventually dump DIY back outside the ring where Sabin decides it’s as good a time as energy to practice his punting. No football? No problem. DIY’s heads will do.
TOOTH! GUM! OR! SPIT! Champa edition.
After Sabin manages to get Gargano back in the ring and Shelley keeps Champa at bay with a DDT on the apron, Sabin jumps to the second rope and hits a tornado DDT on Gargano. Sabin gets Gargano in their corner, tags Shelley and then they hit the Skull and Bones, leaving Shelley to pin Johnny Wrestling for the second fall. We’re all tied up at one apiece!
Me, enjoying the match and pretending to be shocked that it’s coming down to the final fall.
MCMG start the final fall with momentum, but DIY quickly get themselves back in it. After Shelley breaks up a pinfall attempt, he and Gargano square off outside the ring as Champa hits a textbook Project Champa on Sabin, which Sabin somehow kicks out of.
My chiropractor has a similar move set.
MCMG eventually neutralise Champa and have Gargano back in the ring. They start setting up for a second Skull and Bones and it looks like we may have new champs, but just as Shelley is getting to the top rope a Mysterious Figure In A Black HoodieTM appears on the apron, distracting the referee! While we’re trying to figure out who it is, a second Mysterious Figure In A Black HoodieTM appears! Well, not really MysteriousTM because he has his hood down and we can see it’s Angelo Dawkins from the Street Profits, who proceeds to smash his crutches over Alex Shelley’s back, causing him to fall from the top rope. This gives Gargano just enough of an opening to throw Sabin into a corner and make a tag to Champa. With Shelley prone in the center of the ring, DIY hit Meet in the Middle and Champa pins Shelley for the final fall, and they retain their titles.
They don’t have any time to celebrate though, as Montez Ford chases them out of the ring where Dawkins is waiting. The Street Profits beat down DIY, and because of TikTok and ADHD we need Michael Cole to remind us that the reason this makes sense is that DIY put the Profits on the shelf in a time beyond our attention spans, and the Profits want revenge by taking the titles back so they wanted them to retain. Do we have some honest to goodness story lines brewing in the tag division? Dare to dream folks.