Elimination Chamber '25 - Men's Elimination Chamber Match
We’re on to the last match of the night, and ready to find out who will be squaring off with Cody at Wrestlemania for the Undisputed WWE Title.
Three grifts in a trench coat aka Logan Paul is the first to the ring.
Every time I get to hear tens of thousands of people boo him.
He takes one of the four pods, along with Damien Priest, CM Punk and Cena, leaving Seth Rollins and Drew McIntyre to get things started in the ring.
There’s…there’s no way he can’t feel that hair on his cheek right? Does it not annoy him? What is he doing just leaving it there? I’m itchy just looking at it.
Oh come ON. I’m too fucking neurodivergent for this.
Drew tries to fire off a claymore immediately, Seth dodges and tries a stomp in response which Drew swerves.
CM Punk enjoying his time in the cuck pod.
Rollins and Drew are very good wrestlers and whilst there’s nothing too major to report from their initial exchange, we are treated to a few minutes of just good, honest wrasslin’ before the doors of Damien Priest’s pod open and he joins the fray.
As the freshest man, Priest takes advantage and delivers some strong chops to Drew which knocks him off balance for a moment. Drew regains his composure and eventually gets Priest on the top turnbuckle looking for a superlex. Priest manages to fight back and knocks Drew over so he’s hanging upside down off the trop rope, and as Seth rejoins them he also jumps to the top rope and tries to superplex Priest. Drew manages to get himself upright and throws both of them off the top. While they’re recovering, The clock counts down and it’s time for Logan Paul to enter (to yet another chorus of boos, thank you Canada ilysm).
I’m going to tell my kids this is Cirque du Soleil.
Logan tries unsuccessfully to pin both Drew and Seth while they’re down, and eventually finds himself standing face to face with Priest. They go at it and Priest gets him out of the ring, where he proceeds to bounce Logan’s head off an empty pod several times before running his face along the cage like a cheese grater. Logan is finally able to counter with a big right hand to Priest, and then he steps back into the ring to line up another for Seth who is just getting to his feet. He sees Logan make his move and manages to cut him off with a superkick. While they find their feet again, it’s count down time again and Cena is unleashed.
He wastes no time in cleaning house, hitting everyone in the ring with an attitude adjustment and then a five knuckle shuffle on Logan. Cena hits the attitude adjustment on him again and just as we’re looking like seeing our first elimination of the night, McIntyre hits Cena with a claymore. Drew is trying to get across to Cena for a pin, but he’s met by Priest who rolls him up for a pin of his own, and gets the three count! Drew is the first man out. Before he leaves the chamber though, he throws his toys out of the pram and delivers a claymore to Priest. Logan sees his opportunity with Priest out on the mat, and he climbs up onto Punk’s pod and hits a frog splash on Priest from on high. Logan gets the pin and the second elimination of the match.
Logan has no time to dwell on that though, because the countdown starts for the final time this evening, and…IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME.
Punk bursts out of his pod and flies straight at Logan, and gives his face a quick tour of the outside of his pod and the steel cage. After the initial flurry and climbing the cage to point at the Wrestlemania sign to remind all the boys and girls watching about the storyline, he looks to the ring and sees Cena on his feet. He climbs through the ropes and they exchange words, and as they are jawing Seth makes it to his feet and comes crashing into the conversation via a boot to Punk’s face.
Cena pulls Rollins off Punk and Rollins tells him to stay out of it, that Punk is his. Cena doesn’t like that much so he tries to hit an attitude adjustment on Seth, but Seth manages to get out of it. They start trading big right hands and as they are slugging it out Logan runs through both of them with a double clothesline. Logan gets outside the ropes and is waiting to deliver some payback to Punk. He attempts a We’ve Got Adam Page’s Buckshot Lariat At HomeTM, but Punk ducks him and looks to counter into a neckbreaker. They scrap for a couple more seconds before Punk manages to get the upper hand, gets him on his shoulders, and hits the GTS he promised Logan at the start of the match. Punk gets the pin and we are down to three.
I tried for a cleaner shot of this, but this one makes Punk kind of look like an angry Dad who just stepped on some Lego and that is very funny to me.
I don’t really have a funny haha bit for this next passage between Logan’s elimination and the next one. If you want to watch some really good wrasslin’, this is your chance. However, the show must go on and after Cena, Punk and Rollins throw down, Rollins is hit with a GTS by Punk which Cena follows immediately with an attitude adjustment, and Punk gets the pin to eliminate Rollins. We’re on the home stretch now, watching Cena and Punk wrestle again like it’s 2012.
Cena goes in to shake Punk’s hand for a second time, and Punk hits him with the old down low, too slow and scoops him onto his shoulders for a GTS. He pins Cena but Cena kicks out, and as they are getting to their feet Cena scoops Punk up for an attitude adjustment. Cena covers him, but Punk kicks out! What a world. As Cena is trying to get Punk into an STF, Punk manages to get himself against the ropes and get enough leverage to kick Cena in the chest and buy a little space. It’s only a very temporary relief though, as Rollins, who still hasn’t left the cage because this bit of the match needs to happen, stomps him into the padding outside the ring.
Cena seizes on this opportunity and pulls Punk back into the center of the ring where this time, he successfully gets the STF applied. There’s little else for Punk to do at this point than…go to sleep.
Punk passes out, the ref calls for the bell, and John Cena is going to main event Wrestlemania against Cody Rhodes!
My last three brain cells after spending all day holding off my intrusive thoughts.
POV: you’re my dog and I just got home after being away all day and I’m looking at you through the window.
There is still one matter to take care of before the show is over tonight, of course - we need to find out whether or not Cody Rhodes is going to accept The Rock’s offer to become his champion. Cody comes out to congratulate Cena, and then The Rock’s music hits. 3-5 business days later when he’s finally made it to the ring (for real the entrance is far too long), he grabs a mic and tells Cody it’s time for an answer.
Also, Travis Scott is here, hanging in the background like when your character gets inserted into a cut scene in a video game.
Cody very literally tells The Rock to go fuck himself, and the arena explodes. Cena is jumping around, applauding him, and they exchange a couple of words before going in for a hug. Cena can see The Rock over Cody’s shoulder, and he slowly nods, which seems to be the required action to activate Cena like a sleeper agent.
No matter how many times I watch this, this bit never fails to drive me nuts. Is…is this where The Rock thinks your throat is? Does he want Cena to cut Cody a new smile like The Joker?
Cena’s face immediately changes, and he pulls away from the hug and kicks Cody in the balls, dropping him to the mat. While we’re recovering from the shock, Cody gets an incredible beat down from Cena. He uses the Rolex Cody gifted The Rock as brass knuckles, the championship belt and bare fists to beat him, before The Rock replays some of last year’s Wrestlemania build up by whipping him with a weight belt.
The Rock, Cena and once again for some reason, Travis Scott leave the ring to boos and confusion, and if that huge twist doesn’t set us on the road to Wrestlemania I don’t know what would. It’s a great ending that leaves a lot of questions to be answered by the time we get to Vegas, and I can’t wait to see what happens between now and then. We’ll be covering it all. In the meantime, bye!
